We spend so much time, effort and energy keeping our walls up, trying our damnedest not to let a crack in our shells.
Understandably so. We started building those walls as we grew, as we began to realize that the world wasn't always the friendly place we thought it was when we were more innocent and less experienced.
People, we saw to our horror and dismay, could shout, scream, curse, and kick us when we least expected it. We could be called names, shamed, and ridiculed. We could lose what we most loved and gain what we most hated.
In order to function properly, we did what we had to do in order to survive: we erected walls to keep those bad experiences out. The function of those walls was to serve as a barrier or buffer against life's painful experiences, but we still planned on letting in the joyful experiences.
The problem with walls is that they don't filter out the good from the bad. They minimize the feeling of the joys along with the pains.
You're fully grown now, and you have a much better perspective on the world. You can see that all those things that happened to you actually had almost nothing to do with you, needn't reflect on you and who you are.
What would happen if you started deconstructing some of those walls?
It would probably be intense. You'd surely have some past pain to catch up with. And for a while, it may feel like the end of the world as you know it.
But it wouldn't be the end of the world. More like just the beginning.
You'd be like a chick that finally hatched after all that time being cooped up inside a cramped eggshell. Suddenly you'd be living life outside the shell, without your walls acting as a massive filter to keep life out there and you "safe" over here.
It would be scary. You'd be vulnerable to life's cruelties again.
But you're grown now. You know enough to know you have a choice, that you don't have to take life personally. You know you can feel pain and let it pass without having to go through the great effort of trying to block it out (which doesn't work all that well anyway, and has a lot of negative side-effects).
Without your walls, you would be living life as it is -- not life as you want it to be, demand it to be or think it should be.
You would no longer be living life from the lens of your mind anymore.
You'd be living life as as newly hatched chick. Fresh, innocent, simple, free.
This Time Around
Must have had my fill of keeping life at bay.
Got a crack in my shell the other day.
Now, through the crack, life suddenly courses.
Nobody needs to call the king’s horses.
Nor do they need to call the king’s men.
This time around,
I’m letting life in.
Just a gal experimenting with what it means to live outside of mind.
Read more about Notes to Self, the "manual" on living beyond mind.