It is your thoughts that create
your heavens and your hells.
Free yourself by no longer
giving priority to your
thoughts and thought patterns.
Unravel these thought patterns
by really seeing them.
Thoughts of desire.
Thoughts of complaint.
Thoughts that this moment may
be wrong in some way.
Thoughts of needing anything other
than this moment to be happy.
We've all had those expansive moments of opening when we see the divine in ourselves, in everyone and everything. This often follows an "a-ha" moment or a deep insight into the truth of our being. We feel connected with ourselves, and as a result with everyone around us.
When connected with our self, there's an innate, unspoken knowing that everything is fine, has always been fine, will always be fine. On some inner level we get that life is okay, just as it is.
Ever been in that space, only to "lose" it some moments, days, months or years later? Maybe you had a huge spiritual opening that profoundly silenced the mind for a period, and you finally had a glimpse into what all the saints and sages have been saying all this while. Wow! You feel so at peace and in harmony with life! You can't believe you didn't see this all along.
And then for whatever reason, you eventually or suddenly find yourself back to your usual mode of perceiving life. You find yourself struggling and fighting for your way, for more of what you want and for less of what you don't want. Before you know it, you're feeling contracted and you're operating more from ego mode than from expansive awareness mode.
When that sense of self-connectedness appears to disappear, for whatever reason, often the first thing to go with it is the trust in life's okay-ness. And when we lose this sense of "all-is-fineness," our perception, of course, is usually that something or many things are no longer fine, okay or quite all right -– including our very inability to see that everything is, in fact, fine, okay and just as "right" as it's always been.
It's actually just a subtle, tricky mind game that you can see past if you're willing to let go of the notion that there's something wrong with those moments when you're not seemingly connected.
Those moments do come and go. Often they come in times of stress, hardship and difficulty. Things start to feel tight, contracted, and next thing you know you think you've messed something up or somehow managed to "lose" something that you once had. For some, it becomes a struggle and fight to get back to the "promised land." But that is just more fight, and less promised land.
The good news is that the promised land never disappears from under or around us. It's just easier to label it as "the promised land" when it's flowing with milk and honey than when all the milk and honey have dried up and you're blistering in the heat of the desert sun.
Just keep on marching, step-by-step, blister-by-blister. You don't have to cross the desert to reach the promised land. The desert, and every step you make in it, is already it. Once you come to terms with this, those blisters will sting less and you'll breathe a little easier.
What if you lose connection with the deepest truth that you were once so strongly hit with and that truth is no longer obvious for a minute, a day, a year or even a few decades? Does that make that truth any less true?
Of course not! Truth doesn't depend on whether we recognize it or not. Truth is truth. It's never gone anywhere and it never will. It's you that's gone on a detour. Just recognize that, and realize that it's the way you're being danced, for now.
And trust. Eventually, you will return to Source, just as water returns to the ocean. It's inevitable. So take a deep breath, and enjoy your life, just how it is, blisters and all.
In the midst of life's shadows,
it is natural at times, to
lose sight of Self.
When in the midst of one of
life's "contractions," learn how
to make space around it.
It's just a matter of surrendering,
of relaxing past the contractions
as they come your way -
letting go in the face of
Ever notice how much time we spend trying to make ourselves happy and content in life? Reaching for happiness is almost like an automatic reflex -- so automatic, we don't always see that it's what drives most of our actions.
Even harder to see is how miserable it is to be reaching or grasping even subtly for even very subtle forms of happiness.
If the process becomes conscious enough that we do see it, still we usually rationalize that once the object of imagined happiness is achieved, it will have made the pursuit worth it. We imagine that this particular one, this time, will finally be the thing to bestow permanent and ultimate happiness.
But since when has it ever worked that way? Why would it start working that way now?
The pursuit of happiness. Such a popular ideal. It's even considered a basic human right. Odd that our chase for this perceived "right" ends up causing so much struggle and, well -- unhappiness -- as we try so hard to make ourselves happy.
When we fail, we feel deflated and are then driven to struggle and try harder in our quest for happiness. When we succeed, the happiness is usually all too short-lived before a new perceived object of happiness comes on the horizon and swipes our current happiness away as we begin the struggle to pursue this next thing.
What would happen if we stopped trying to make ourselves happy -- if we no longer put happiness on such a big pedestal? Would we automatically be sad?
A point finally comes along in our life's journey when it just doesn't matter anymore. One day we realize we just can't bother trying to be anything anymore, other than what we're naturally being. If it's happy, it's happy. If it's sad, it's sad. If it's something between the two, it's something between the two.
This may sound like an apathetic or defeated state to arrive at. Actually, while it may not be an exuberantly ecstatic state, it is a free one. We're no longer chained to our wants. We're no longer at the mercy of the slave-driver mind as it barks out orders that we must constantly fulfill, just to keep it happy and happy and happy. Where's the freedom in that? And how happy does it ever really make us?
Why Limit Yourself?
Why limit yourself with the notion
that your life must go well -- meet
your desires and expectations -- for
you to be able to be content?
Life is a series of moments.
Such is the nature of time-bound,
Simply the peaks and crests of duality.
Every up is followed by its down...
so why hold on to or push away
any of it?
What will come will come.
Whatever will be, let be.
Poem from Notes to Self: Meditations on Being
Just a gal experimenting with what it means to live outside of mind.
Read more about Notes to Self, the "manual" on living beyond mind.