We've all had those expansive moments of opening when we see the divine in ourselves, in everyone and everything. This often follows an "a-ha" moment or a deep insight into the truth of our being. We feel connected with ourselves, and as a result with everyone around us.
When connected with our self, there's an innate, unspoken knowing that everything is fine, has always been fine, will always be fine. On some inner level we get that life is okay, just as it is.
Ever been in that space, only to "lose" it some moments, days, months or years later? Maybe you had a huge spiritual opening that profoundly silenced the mind for a period, and you finally had a glimpse into what all the saints and sages have been saying all this while. Wow! You feel so at peace and in harmony with life! You can't believe you didn't see this all along.
And then for whatever reason, you eventually or suddenly find yourself back to your usual mode of perceiving life. You find yourself struggling and fighting for your way, for more of what you want and for less of what you don't want. Before you know it, you're feeling contracted and you're operating more from ego mode than from expansive awareness mode.
When that sense of self-connectedness appears to disappear, for whatever reason, often the first thing to go with it is the trust in life's okay-ness. And when we lose this sense of "all-is-fineness," our perception, of course, is usually that something or many things are no longer fine, okay or quite all right -– including our very inability to see that everything is, in fact, fine, okay and just as "right" as it's always been.
It's actually just a subtle, tricky mind game that you can see past if you're willing to let go of the notion that there's something wrong with those moments when you're not seemingly connected.
Those moments do come and go. Often they come in times of stress, hardship and difficulty. Things start to feel tight, contracted, and next thing you know you think you've messed something up or somehow managed to "lose" something that you once had. For some, it becomes a struggle and fight to get back to the "promised land." But that is just more fight, and less promised land.
The good news is that the promised land never disappears from under or around us. It's just easier to label it as "the promised land" when it's flowing with milk and honey than when all the milk and honey have dried up and you're blistering in the heat of the desert sun.
Just keep on marching, step-by-step, blister-by-blister. You don't have to cross the desert to reach the promised land. The desert, and every step you make in it, is already it. Once you come to terms with this, those blisters will sting less and you'll breathe a little easier.
What if you lose connection with the deepest truth that you were once so strongly hit with and that truth is no longer obvious for a minute, a day, a year or even a few decades? Does that make that truth any less true?
Of course not! Truth doesn't depend on whether we recognize it or not. Truth is truth. It's never gone anywhere and it never will. It's you that's gone on a detour. Just recognize that, and realize that it's the way you're being danced, for now.
And trust. Eventually, you will return to Source, just as water returns to the ocean. It's inevitable. So take a deep breath, and enjoy your life, just how it is, blisters and all.
In the midst of life's shadows,
it is natural at times, to
lose sight of Self.
When in the midst of one of
life's "contractions," learn how
to make space around it.
It's just a matter of surrendering,
of relaxing past the contractions
as they come your way -
letting go in the face of
One day, it suddenly strikes you. You admit to yourself that you don't know what's true. What's ultimately true. What's really true about yourself, about life, about existence.
A startling realization, and one that instantly sets you on a search to uncover Truth. You simply must know.
And if you truly want to know, you will. But it can be a somewhat rude awakening if you have a specific image of what you imagine Truth will look like. Which, for most people, is probably something akin to the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
Often you think you want to realize Truth, when what you really want is to realize is your happy, spiritual, lights-and-fireworks version of Truth -- a "Truth" that complies completely with your conception of what it should be, what it will mean for your life and what you will be able to get out of it.
In actuality, as you embark upon Truth you find out that as far as you're concerned, Truth is a sacrifice -- because it doesn't have anything to do with you and your images, wishes and ideals.
By it's very nature, Truth isn't about you. It's about Truth. So, one of the first "true" lessons you learn about Truth is that you have to be true to It -- not the other way around.
If you want Truth to fit your image, or fit into your definition of what it should be, or if you demand that it feel a certain way -- you're not being true to Truth -- you're being true to you, to ego.
If you really want to realize Truth, you will. It's your nature, your essence -- and thus, ultimately inevitable. But the prerequisite is a willingness to sacrifice ego at Truth's alter for that to happen.
And if you want to live as Truth, more than just to have a fleeting experience of Truth, you have to be willing to keep making that sacrifice daily, moment-to-moment.
To live the Truth
is to embrace
alongside the positive.
It is to see
that, in fact,
positive and negative
and everything in between
Poem: from Notes to Self: Meditations on Being
Just a gal experimenting with what it means to live outside of mind.
Read more about Notes to Self, the "manual" on living beyond mind.