We spend so much time, effort and energy keeping our walls up, trying our damnedest not to let a crack in our shells.
Understandably so. We started building those walls as we grew, as we began to realize that the world wasn't always the friendly place we thought it was when we were more innocent and less experienced.
People, we saw to our horror and dismay, could shout, scream, curse, and kick us when we least expected it. We could be called names, shamed, and ridiculed. We could lose what we most loved and gain what we most hated.
In order to function properly, we did what we had to do in order to survive: we erected walls to keep those bad experiences out. The function of those walls was to serve as a barrier or buffer against life's painful experiences, but we still planned on letting in the joyful experiences.
The problem with walls is that they don't filter out the good from the bad. They minimize the feeling of the joys along with the pains.
You're fully grown now, and you have a much better perspective on the world. You can see that all those things that happened to you actually had almost nothing to do with you, needn't reflect on you and who you are.
What would happen if you started deconstructing some of those walls?
It would probably be intense. You'd surely have some past pain to catch up with. And for a while, it may feel like the end of the world as you know it.
But it wouldn't be the end of the world. More like just the beginning.
You'd be like a chick that finally hatched after all that time being cooped up inside a cramped eggshell. Suddenly you'd be living life outside the shell, without your walls acting as a massive filter to keep life out there and you "safe" over here.
It would be scary. You'd be vulnerable to life's cruelties again.
But you're grown now. You know enough to know you have a choice, that you don't have to take life personally. You know you can feel pain and let it pass without having to go through the great effort of trying to block it out (which doesn't work all that well anyway, and has a lot of negative side-effects).
Without your walls, you would be living life as it is -- not life as you want it to be, demand it to be or think it should be.
You would no longer be living life from the lens of your mind anymore.
You'd be living life as as newly hatched chick. Fresh, innocent, simple, free.
This Time Around
Must have had my fill of keeping life at bay.
Got a crack in my shell the other day.
Now, through the crack, life suddenly courses.
Nobody needs to call the king’s horses.
Nor do they need to call the king’s men.
This time around,
I’m letting life in.
Your Perfect Destiny
By dropping mind content
and coming into the full sensory
awareness of the moment,
you open up to Self in more of its
fullness than the mind
can possibly know.
This is to know your Self.
Drop the mind and let in the
moment in its entirety, in
its full felt, lived expression.
Your perfect destiny is
always unfolding in this moment.
Poem from Notes to Self: Meditations on Being
“But how,” you ask, “Can I stop thinking?”
You can’t actually. But you can stop putting so much emphasis on your thoughts.
You can also regularly ask yourself who you really are, which puts you in touch with your essential self and minimizes your mind’s stranglehold over you.
If all else fails, meditate. No fancy bells and whistles required. All you have to do is just sit there and be.
"To be or not to be: that is the question."
Or is it? By dictionary definition, to "be" simply means to exist or to live. Something that anyone reading this, is certainly doing.
When we have the sense that we're unable to "be", what is usually meant is that there is a recognition of inability to be in the moment, to "be here now." It's a sense of being cut off from the purity or core of existence.
In reality, we're never not being. It only can appear that way because we allow our attention to go to our thoughts, versus to the lived experience of any given moment.
Emphasis on thought creates what is, in effect, a "screen" that keeps out the present moment as our attention chases a past and future that isn't currently happening.
Is there anything to "do" about this? That depends on how you look at it. It's not really a doing. It's more like an undoing, a removing of the attention from thoughts constantly, persistently. Repeatedly. Until the prevailing habit is to be resting in the moment rather than chasing thoughts.
However, if we set out not to think, trying our best to be in the moment, this is not being, but rather the effort of doing. To want to be in the moment is to miss that the moment already is.
It's this very chasing of anything -- including the moment -- that makes this moment appear lacking or insufficient. It's, after all, just another thought that takes us away from here, wanting to be "over there," "in the moment." But it's never "there." It's always here.
Just a gal experimenting with what it means to live outside of mind.
Read more about Notes to Self, the "manual" on living beyond mind.